I AM STILL SICK AFTER SO MANY DAYS LOLL
it’s supposed to take 7-10 days to recover from a cold so hopefully this will be my last day of being sick
it has been a while since I’ve written. I’ve been thinking about many things
I went to a cell group yesterday! with my old church!
I thought it was going to be really awkward but it wasn’t bad? it was interesting.
I went because 1) the house HAD GOATS (even though I wasn’t able to meet them :(( ) and 2) I think sometimes I tend to push other people away more than they actually isolate me
it was nice talking with the people who I used to be closest with. we’ve all grown a lot and that in itself is crazy
the lesson was about proving that God is real LOL that was a hard lesson and not really a discussion but it has potential.
I think the scary part about the lesson is what happens if someone asks a question and you don’t know how to answer it?
some questions that I’ve been asked:
- If there’s a God, why doesn’t he do anything about the evil in the world?
- the paradox of: can God make a rock so heavy that he can’t hold it? if he can, then why can’t he carry it, and if he can’t, then why can’t he hold it? after all, he’s God.
- if humans wrote the Bible, and humans are flawed, is there a chance that the Bible–word of God–is flawed?
v good questions. I don’t really have all the answers.
I have the answer for the first one though LOL
to paste what I wrote for someone else a while ago, “Oh I remember this question. I think usually the full question is “if God is so good why is there evil?” putting the blame on God right. And so then w’re asking the question “why isn’t God doing anything about evil?” But he has? He saw all the things we had done and sent his son down to face the judgement for us? So he didn’t do nothing. I think that something that a Jew once said ab the Holocaust was that “God didn’t create it. Humans did.” and then there’s the whole freewill thing again.”
I think if I was to add anything else on, it would be to clarify that God literally sent his son down to die for us, so that we would be set free from sin. so he did something..he did everything that he could LOL
yeah but there are a lot of questions that I don’t know how to answer, and I’m still learning about what I believe myself.
also in the lesson there was an opportunity there was an opportunity to talk about when we’ve ever doubted God and I thought that was good? but I guess that’s a conversation for close friends instead of a cell group.
I don’t know. I guess talking about how you doubt God is taboo. like “oh we’re in a church so we can’t talk about doubting the reason we come here for” but I feel like so many people doubt God and that’s okay?
if we don’t acknowledge that we doubt God, how are we going to keep each other accountable and be there for each other while we search for answers?
I don’t know :’) but anyways cell group was surprisingly ok and I enjoyed going
and then I got home and thought about what I used to have at my old church.
I think I’ve been bitter for so long that I’ve forgotten what I was bitter about.
at this church I’ve had a lot of mentors. my current mentor and discipler still go to this church and I love them
even the mentors before them though–they poured into me. there was one mentor who used to be there for me late at night and remind me of my worth? and she dealt with a lot of my struggles with gentleness and empathy
I think I always kind of filtered myself when I talked to her because she was part of the church admin and I didn’t need intervention or gossip. but looking back, she truly cared for me.
I remember that one time she called me and left a voicemail? she just wanted to check on me.
we went on a mission trip one year and I faced a lot of spiritual warfare and didn’t really know what to do but I didn’t reach out to her because I felt really really terrible. on mission trips you have to do 1-1s with the counselors and I was one of the later ones because the counselor was my mentor anyways so I would talk to her eventually.
so we had our 1-1 on the stairs of the lobby as we prepared to go to the airport (and leave). and I told her about what happened this week and how I felt/handled it. and she explained a 5-3-1 thing to me
it went something along the lines of:
“5s are the people who you talk with here and there. hi what’s up, what’s going on whenever and wherever.
3s are the people who you’re a bit closer with you. you’ve invested a bit of time and you care about them so you’re a bit more available.
but the 1s are the people who you’re training individually, so you’re the most available for them. and Jessica…for me…you’re a 1. “
I don’t know. I reread a few conversations yesterday and I realized how much she always looked out for me and loved me.
so I sent her a random appreciation message even though I haven’t chatted her since october. but hey, nothing’s ever wrong with a message of appreciation.
most of this spring break has been pretty chill. I’ve spent a lot of time with people and need to do work now :’)
- ap packet
- apeng practice test
- apush notes
eventually I need to prep for tests :’)